I really should post park updates for the past two weeks.

So, I will say this much:

1. If you love your mother, and if she dislikes crowds, DO NOT drag her to Disneyland on Mother's Day (I took my mom out early for this reason).

2. I don't recommend going to Disneyland until AFTER the POTC3 premiere. The park is already setting up Frontierland/New Orleans Square for the event. Pedestrian access is limited, there are crowd-control ropes everywhere...I know how to get to the HM even with all the clutter, but a first-time visitor might not appreciate the confusion.

Now that I've got that out of the way, I'd like to explain something that is VERY important, what with summer approaching like a speeding steamroller.

Why DO locals hate tourists so much?

Some of these answers are Disneyland-specific, but generally they can be applied everywhere. The answers, in no particular order, are as follows:

*Excessive noise. Tourists, perhaps out of sheer excitement (or perhaps because a noisy car engine has temporarily impaired their hearing?), OFTEN forget to use their 'indoor voices.' (My own hearing is shot after 10+ years of going to rock shows, so if *I* think someone is too loud, they probably ought to be gagged!)
*Messiness. Tourists litter, spill food, and never clean up their own messes, even if they create a slip-and-fall hazard (this is why Disneyland *always* has to have sweepers and custodians on duty).
*Extremely rude behavior. Just this Sunday a complete jackass lugging a full popcorn bucket (which aren't supposed to be allowed on rides) cut the line for the HM behind me, telling a younger member of his group that "it's not cutting in line if I'm just catching up to you." YES IT IS, YOU ARROGANT LIAR. Nice way to set a good example for the kid! Disneyland policy officially DOES NOT ALLOW people to cut lines in order to "catch up" to a friend. When people try to cut me off, I refuse to allow them past me, and will threaten to get a security guard if I must.
*Stupidity. Being in new surroundings apparently causes the average person's IQ to drop roughly 60 points. Take, for example, the WDW visitor who somehow got it into her tiny head that the Jack Sparrow animatronics in POTC were actually Johnny Depp, and picked a nasty fight with the CM who tried to explain that it wasn't him. For many tragically hilarious examples of Disneyland guest stupidity, read "More Mouse Tales" by David Koenig.
*Encroachment. I am lucky enough to live one mile away from the Pacific Ocean, and my town is overrun by visitors for much of the year. The extra traffic on PCH, I will tolerate. I will not, however, tolerate trespassing or any attempts by outsiders to use my parking space (I have even had to call the cops on a neighborhood kid who illegally parked his truck in front of my carport, which blocked me from getting to work on time). No one should! We live here all year, we pay a premium for it, and pumping a relatively small amount of money into the local economy does NOT give some idiot the right to park in my space, walk through my back garden, or otherwise bother me. I had the chance to move to a very nice top-floor bachelorette pad overlooking PCH and opted not to do it because I knew damn well I'd have to deal with tourists all summer, on every major holiday, and whenever a paintball/volleyball/surfing tournament was held in town.
*Hogging all available street parking when there is a parking garage for their sort. Where, may I ask, are locals supposed to park when running errands downtown or visiting a friend's house? If it were up to me, all HB residents would get a special parking sticker good anywhere in the city, and only tourists would have to pay to park in city lots.
*Lack of line etiquette. Stand single-file, have your money/tickets/ID ready, don't crowd anyone, wait your fair turn, and for G-D's sake don't smoke or talk on your cell phone.
*Addendum to line etiquette: poor hygiene! Nobody wants to smell someone who reeks of perfume/tobacco smoke/sweat/general dirt from not bathing all week when that someone is standing very, very close.
*Failure to supervise children properly. I have seen tourist parents behave badly in front of their kids, hit them in public, refuse to silence a screaming child, fail to remove or attend to a screaming infant, encourage bratty behavior, let their kids get sunburnt at the beach, let them run wild in restaurants (which is a good way to get hurt)...you name it. It never gets any less horrifying. (Now, I realize criticizing someone else's lousy parenting can seem presumptuous coming from a single, child-free person, but underparenting is producing a generation of whiny brats who will always have trouble holding down jobs, keeping decent apartments, and staying out of trouble with the law. I know this because I grew up with kids EXACTLY like that and was one of the VERY few who was never allowed to misbehave. Now that we're all adults, I've got it together and they still don't.)
*Bad driving. If you're going someplace where the locals' driving habits are radically different from your own, prepare to drive like they do or take mass transit/cabs. A common pet peeve in SoCal is getting stuck behind a slowpoke with Arizona plates (it's almost always Arizona) driving 50 in a 65 mph zone.
*Expecting locals to understand your particular language or dialect. Curiously, only American tourists seem to do this; one encounters a lot of travelers when one lives in the LA area, and foreigners almost invariably make an effort to speak clear English. Big tip: no matter where you're going, you can make more points with locals by attempting to speak the language (if you can't master a dialect specific to the city or region, even the 'standard' version is greatly appreciated). I, incidentally, took the time to learn some basic French and Italian before visiting those countries, and had a much better experience than my traveling companions because of it.
*Expecting locals to conform to your habits or customs. See above.
*Annoying behavior. This is almost a subset of rudeness or stupidity, but I felt it warranted its own bullet point. Aggravating behavior is kind of like porn: you can't always define it (because it varies from one case to the next), but you know it when you see it. Example: the clueless traveler who kept bugging me for local weather information on a flight out of San Francisco. I was VERY tired and trying DESPERATELY to get some much-needed sleep at the time, so let's just say I didn't appreciate it.
*Staring at locals who look 'different' to them, whether the difference is ethnicity, an unusual medical condition, or related to their choice of attire. My mother hates going to the Midwest on business because she has kept up her appearance (perfect hair with no visible gray, perfect makeup with no visible aging, nice clothes) and Midwestern women stare at her like she's a two-headed extraterrestrial.

In short: We are humans, not zoo animals. This is our home. Please treat it - and us - with respect. If you are unwilling to do that, keep your money and stay home.

One good thing about tourists: because fashions lag so far behind in most of the world, it's even easier to be the best-dressed. Also, if you're "Hollywood fat" (meaning above a size 2), going to any popular tourist destination in the US will make you feel skinny in a heartbeat.

See you at Disneyland.